50 Years of Marriage

As I write today, my parents celebrate 50 years of marriage. When I was a kid, I didn’t think that was a big deal. I can remember both sets of my grandparents reaching that milestone, as well as a set of great-grandparents.

Now, as I sit here in my late 40s, married with children, I realize that being married for 50 years to the same person is a feat.

Marriage is hard. It forces you to put yourself second to someone, even when that person may not be acting very nice. It forces you to compromise constantly - on where to eat, what to watch on television, on housework, and what things to do when you go out. And more seriously, it forces you to compromise on things like where to live and who works what hours and who takes care of the kids. It also forces you to say, “I’m sorry,” sometimes.

You don’t get to just do what you want when you want as you
did as a single person. When you are married to and share a home and a life with someone, you have to take their needs and wants into consideration all the time.

I believe marriage is God’s way of making us better people. As Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” Having to compromise and take into consideration someone else every time you do something, can make you a better and less selfish person. In addition, when you are working out disagreements or problems that have arisen, you are learning how better to work and live alongside someone in harmony.

Harmony is what most people strive for, but it isn’t possible to always live in harmony because there are two imperfect and sometimes selfish people involved. That’s why you have to learn to work hard things out together and compromise.

Sure, you can learn some of these things by having roommates and living with siblings growing up, but there is much more sharpening of a person when he or she is married. Married life gets much more emotional because you are in love with this person and hopefully share yourself with him or her in a way that you don’t with anyone else. That makes you more vulnerable to that person. It’s easier to get your feelings hurt by his or her actions or to take his or her actions more personal.

That’s why marriage has the potential to make you an even better person. Sometimes you have to give of yourself when you have nothing left, even when you don’t “feel” the love. That’s because love is more than feelings. It’s sometimes about hard work and sacrifice.

I know after reading this marriage may sound dreadful to some, but for me, marriage is definitely worth the struggle. Not only does it make me and my husband more thoughtful people, but the rewards are worth it as well. It’s nice having someone to grow old with, someone to vent to about your hard day, someone to help you raise a family with, someone to laugh at silly things with and have fun with, someone to depend on.

I am very grateful to my parents and their parents and grandparents for their example to me and my children. I am also thankful for the steadfast presence of my parents’ marriage in my life, one of the few steadfast things in my life. I know now how special that is, which makes me even more grateful.

Happy 50th anniversary to my parents!